Corporate Enthusiasm: None for You!!!

Paying for groceries at a local chain was no more difficult than the rest of the morning, the not too unusual refusal of my card happens at this store from time to time, a swipe of a different debit card from the same account works.  Went to what used to be Wilson Farms for the ATM, and there was a man ahead of me whose card was denied.  New store ownership, new ATM, no big deal, until my card was also spat back.  He and I kibbitzed a bit about what the heys, and went on; again the debit card got the cash out.

Got home, went online, oh gosh, here's the book I wanted at a good price...let's go!  Later on when checking email, there was the standard Oh! Wonderful member!  Thank you for your purchase!!   We are so proud that you use Amazon!!! Fish be jumpin', anna cotton be high!!!  Exclamation points were effusive as a terrier in the kitchen with Mom slicing ham! for sandwiches!!  Arf! Arf! Arf!!!  Well.

Roughly twenty minutes later, another email appeared Regarding Your Recent Purchase.  Concern was draped liked funeral crepe; how was this evident?  Something had changed tone, and by gum, there it was: not one exclamation point was employed; not one happy word was floating amid the wash of serious "We're worried about you." "Your card was denied you wandering idiot."   "Your refrigerator is running, you better go catch it." "Did you leave the States for Al-Qaida?" The terrier had become a bear with a sore ass.

Hmm.  I checked the pile of teetering mail and alakazam, there was a notice from the Higher Mucky-Mucks that someone may have tried to buy stuff with my account number, so they shut down the Merry-Go-Round.  Go talk to your people at the credit union.  Sure.  Checked balances, nothing was amiss, yet I felt guilty for not receiving exclamation points.  Talked to the nice folks who said seven to ten days for another card to be issued, so get used to using paper money for the next week.  My book order was canceled by the online folks, as I was not going to provide an alternative account number; for what happened here is the same thing that occurred two years ago.

Every once in a while a hacker breaks into the company's database of numbers, which means hundreds of thousands of people who use one of the networks listed on the back of the card are losing their exclamation points.  The banking systems necessarily shut down the whole kaboodle, and you do a little footwork to regain standing.  Secret codes and cards are sent separately to avoid mailbox thievery, and I now have the code, just waiting for the plastic.  And, my reinstatement into Punctuationville, where happy dogs play, boys and girls grow, and Mr. Rogers is still alive.  

You just wait, I know there will be a thrilled email that makes me feel part of a gang of upstanding smart people who buy books and listen to NPR.  Watch out for us, we'll steal your library card for folding down page corners, we BookVulture BadAss Renegade Traditionalists.   Kindles are put in burlap bags with bricks, and slung into the river.  Go read something that you have to turn pages with, not on an energy-sucking device that goes off when the battery dies.  Oh, reverse snobbery, thy name is Dr. Seuss.

I read before bed, I read upon waking.  I buy stuff using plastic not paper, so there goes the above paper book rant down the tubes.  When night comes I allow myself time to wind down unless the script sucks me in like a vortex of print, then it becomes a one-more-page torture way past a reasonable hour to turn in, thus making the next day a zombie stagger of semi-consciousness.

The winds blew in yesterday, clocked a gust at 69 mph.  Coming back into the building, swirls of paper litter spun in small tornadoes, some were pages of office work, some were food wrappers, all with print, all with stories.  I was glad to get in the door, for I was being sassily smacked by this sideways paddlewheel of whirling debris, as if the Concerned book company had arranged this paper fray.  The cats were glad to see me, and the darkness became illuminated by lamps.  I sat and drew, turned in early, so glad to see the stillness of the room, no blankets flapping, no clothes hangers whipping circular.
Nothing like being able to turn in and let sleep come, riding a dreamhorse till dawn. Good night.