Endings and Beginnings

There is love, there is romance, there is flirtation, attraction, warmth, giving, collaboration, communication, desire, and any number of words which describe what happens between two people.  It's a tide of fluid emotion that comes and goes, rises and falls, and is full of little silver fish that flash in sunlight, if you are lucky.  Love can be stoic, recalcitrant, a steadying hand on a tiller that gets you both through the swells and troughs of life with a dogged determination.

There are no guarantees that it lasts, but it is the one thing in this existence that can and will reach beyond time, through all dimensions.  Love.  My Mom once told me that love is the only thing that can last forever.  I believe it.

Yet, have you ever loved someone to the point that it hurts?  Desire overrun with fantasies of being with the other; creating rushes of dopamine, ecstasy, and an attachment that becomes addictive is called limerence, and it can incapacitate your life.  Does it ever develop into a good relationship?  Sure, but more likely than not it becomes a psychological trap in which everyday functioning is focused on the obsession.

Not everyone is susceptible, but male or female, a good portion of us are.  You think about the person constantly, imagine conversations, become desperate in finding ways of pleasing them.  You replay and analyze every word for meaning, experience physical palpitations, trembling, or extreme shyness.  And your good old pal, your brain, is pumping out a chemical cocktail designed to foil rational thinking.

According to David Sack, M.D., "Much to the dismay of diehard romantics, research suggests that limerence is the result of biochemical processes in the brain. Responding to cues from the hypothalamus, the pituitary gland releases norepinephrine, dopamine, phenylethylamine (a natural amphetamine), estrogen and testosterone. This chemical cocktail produces the euphoria of new love and begins to normalize as the attachment hormones (vasopressin and oxytocin) kick in, typically six to 24 months into a relationship. In much the same way that changes in the brain cause drug addicts to feel an intense, all-consuming draw to get and use drugs, limerence can drive people to extremes in the pursuit of the object of their affection."

It will end, it can end, often in one of three ways: elimination of contact, creating a reality of hopelessness that forms an endpoint; surprisingly, consummation at the peak of passion, providing attainment of the goal--there is nothing more to strive for and the limerence either winds down or develops into something more stable; lastly, diverting to another object of interest transfers emotion into a new relationship, whether with another person or situation.  You do what you must.

Ah, the tangles of romance...not all end in despair or with regret.  Each ending is an opportunity for change, sweet memories are held dear, it is all a journey and the best we can do is to be kind to each other.  Sometimes that bolt out of the blue wakes you up, invoking new ways, reviving thoughts that say yes, you are lovable.

Sleep tonight, it is nearing mid-August and dreams hold a year's worth of both happinesses and fears.  You are innocent in your wishes, your arms hold the world for many, and those you protect need your constancy and devotion.  Divine your way with the guidance of angels, may they watch over you always.  Good bye, dear one.  Good night.