Elves and Bums

The notice said to clear all personal items out of the bathroom because the busy elves were coming with their brushes and rollers.  I further unscrewed the towel racks and the toilet roll holder as I know the elves are very busy, very fast, and could give a cow's udder concerning neatness.  I covered both the toilet tank and the showerhead with plastic bags, and told the cats to hide, expecting to return to a blinding white or vaguely spoiled milkish off-white on the walls.  Wrong-o.

It took a while to figure out what it was, but it seems that I now have an off-khaki cube of a bathroom, walls and ceiling.  I would bet they got a leftover close-out batch of satin finish, and mixed it with whatever  Dad was saving in the basement from the avocado years.  Campbell's pea soup made with milk.  You may have seen this color in the cat box, folks.  The lovely, artful blue sky and clouds which labeled the ceiling as up are now yesterday's cream of broccoli con poop.  I will get over it.  All this and Nigerians, too.

Today was April Fool's.  All the kids got their knocks in right to the end:  "Mrs. Rabinski is looking for you."  "Raquan hit me."  "Today is 'E day'".  Fake and fake and fake to their infinite delight to the point where they were congratulating themselves on their abilities to fool old fart me.  Until the math lesson.  In the middle of adding 2/5 plus 3/5, I lifted my head and said, "What was that?"  Trotting to the lavatory in the back of the room, I stepped inside, closed the door and yelled, "WHO ARE YOU?   WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE, YOU NEED TO GO.  OH, NO!!!  GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME!!!"  While yelling, I put on a bum's mask and a derby hat.  I banged and thumped on the door, and burst out.  RAWR!!!  They screamed.

The teacher next door insisted that I check her bathroom also, for any sneaking bums.  More screams.  Another teacher borrowed the mask, stuffed it in her desk, and pretended her face got sucked into the drawer.  She arose, majestic and bummified.  Again, screaming.  We calmed the kids down with pretzels. and the most sane of us mentioned to the principal that there may have been some noise in the area.  I hear the response was fine.  My students wanted to hold a raffle to see who could win the mask.

Tonight is clear, cloudless, and calm.  I hope yours is also, and that when you think of turning in, there is a memory of a person long ago, who dropped into your everyday life with a new perspective.   Oddball or mentor, someone who shook you up a bit in a good way.  Sleep well through this cold spring night,  new green shoots are here, the squill is in blossom.  Good night.